Objects of iridescent nacre

A lifeless colour thanks you:

For walking under indigo skies just before daybreak.
For waking me up from my relentless morning slumber, day after day after day.
For telling me I am lucky.
For listening patiently when I irritatingly complained about the state of my room at four in the morning.
For being so much like me and yet poles apart.
For believing in me when I didn't.
For telling me I can't have everything.
For always being there even though I wasn't, for you.
For liking me even though I make the same predictable mistakes over and over again.
For knowing the signal from the noise.
For being the most selfless person I have ever known.
For letting some of that selflessness rub off on me.
For allowing me to compliment myself while complimenting you.
For needing me too, once in a while.

And that's not the half of it.

And suddenly sunny

Just like that.

I was wrong. Your words are capable of shaking me out of every misery. I love you, and that is about all there is to it.

Le sigh

Was I unsurprised? I shouldn't have been. Was I in my senses? I couldn't have been.

Dreams do come true. They momentarily shatter your reality. They don't allow you to enjoy perfect New York weather, instead making you curl up as if it is dark and windy outside.

Dreams do come true, and it is neither sparkling nor magical. Nothing, not even the spell you weave with words about being a gaijin can shake me out of my misery. It is like that time the Bombay local train ticket checker looked at me funny, not believing me when I said I really had lost my ticket and tearing a fine for Rs. 175. It made me go red in the face. Except this time I AM guilty, and no one caught me. My face is flushed warm and my hands are cold and I hate it. Funnily, I never thought this sort of thing could disturb me. I, who can neatly deconstruct a relationship, did not see this coming.

You know what my problem is? I (beep)ing* never see anything coming.

But I have a plan. This time, there will be no rewind and repeat, I promise.

(* Yes, even in my insanity, I do not lose sense of propriety - That's part of the plan. Cursing is for losers anyway.)

Soundless thoughts on weary nights

Maybe I can curl up into a fetal roll and cross my arms and clench my fists and shut, shut, shut the world out.

Or wear waist-length hair and open my arms and look up at the sky and run to the horizon on dew-topped grass.

-

Yeah, same pinch bub: We're both commitment-phobes.

-

Today I wore my long black coat to work. A lot of people probably did, the streets looked visibly duller. Today I got my first static shock in months. Oh my god, winter is here.

-

At midnight, I tore away the aluminium foil and slowly placed the heavy waffle (loaded with promise to deliver) on the plate. I opened the takeaway containers full of joyful accompaniments. I cut through the then-sauce-now-paste. I heated. I scooped out generous spoonfuls of the nut-buttery caramel that had melted into the little square bowls of the waffle. I forgot my fatigue for a few quiet moments.

(No No darling, thank YOU for being such a wonderful guest.)

Regular rant

Americans, this is what I have to say to you.

1. I can say butter instead of budder, hash instead of pound, ddmmyy instead of mmddyy, and still speak perfect English. Okay?

2. You think it shockingly embarrassing to sweat in the armpit, and then proceed to nonchalantly deafen the general public's ears by blowing your nose into your tissue. Hmm.

3. Yes, your portions ARE too large.

4. When I tell you I'm not well, I'm usually looking for sympathy. "Take care, darling" is prefered to "Gosh stay away from me and don't give me whatever it is you have". Just letting you know.

5. Like is a surprisingly versatile word. It's a noun, verb, conjunction and a preposition. However, if you say like, at like the slightest drop of a hat, it's like kind of annoying.

6. Why do most of you think stand-up comedy = toilet/sexual/racist humour? (Yes I do spell it with a 'u'.)

7. Being charged for incoming text messages is lame. Lame. Did you hear me?

Tu, et moi

You you, me me.

You strong, me weak.

You dismisser, me believer.

You aggressive, me defensive.

You black pepper, me yuan zhi.

You even-keel, me hyperthymic.

You for tax rates, me for neon lights.

You mock arrogant, me mock modest.

You minimalist, me post-impressionist.

You patient teacher, me irreverent student.

You moderate in your lifestyle, me flamboyant.

You flamboyant in your thoughts, me moderate.

You, love without boundaries. Me, I lay conditions.

You tireless and me tireless. You honest, me honest.

You, generous. You, broad-minded. You, sharp-witted.

You, who I constantly reject and you who complete this

oddly sloping passage, almost but not quite.

All in one gentle evening

Wait. Ten minutes for the unadulterated aroma of crisp cookies fresh out of the oven. Sit cross-legged at a bus stand, knowing you are catching a bus to nowhere. Sip hot, thick, dark chocolate at said bus stand; try to keep pace with the cream formation at the surface of the cup.

Listen. There might have been sparrows in the background (you never know). Try to walk daintily in oversized clumsy Nike floaters. After all, the cute guy you just overtook might be watching you. Talk about taking risks with a 35-year old who's always followed his heart. Wonder when you would give up what you have to sell hot cookies and thick chocolate to people like yourself. Give your beneviolent one a warm hug. Stand by the messy kitchen sink and talk for hours.

It passed rather quickly.

Our song, Jibb

Just because I didn't write it first doesn't mean I don't mean it more.

--

Things have come to a pretty pass
Our romance is growing flat,
For you like this and the other
While I go for this and that,

Goodness knows what the end will be
Oh I don't know where I'm at
It looks as if we two will never be one
Something must be done:

You say either and I say either, You say neither and I say neither
Either, either Neither, neither, Let's call the whole thing off.

You like potato and I like potahto, You like tomato and I like tomahto
Potato, potahto, Tomato, tomahto, Let's call the whole thing off

But oh, if we call the whole thing off Then we must part
And oh, if we ever part, then that might break my heart

So if you like pyjamas and I like pyjahmas, I'll wear pyjamas and give up pyajahmas
For we

know we

need each other

so we,

Better call the whole off off
Let's call the whole thing off.

Rewind, and repeat

Flutter by, little

butterfly.

Turning my knees into marshmallow. Honey Gelee, Warm chocolate, Sweet grain mash of the fermented kind.

Last night,

I dreamt of you and in my dreams, I was asleep -

And you kissed me.

When I woke up, I was unsurprised, in the knowledge that dreams will never come true.

Thinking of you (Liar Liar)

Right from the start

You played your part

And all that remained, in fact

Was an Oscar-winning act

That stole my heart.

Fleeting meetings

Stranger, I know not you

But you smiled at me

Stranger, I've never seen you before

But you rose from your seat

On the F train so

I could sit

And I shared your body

Warmth on a cold winter's day

In a subway. Stranger,

I don't know who you are

But you followed me from

20 steps behind in a lonely lane

On a dark night.

Stranger, you don't know who I am

But you told me of

Your watch-obsessed girlfriend

Maybe you were drunk.

And you stranger, you met me

At an ATM machine

And told me stories

Of how many people

Abused your body, here

And here and here.

Stranger, you're no

Stranger to me.

Lake district all over again

Once again, imperfections in the glass screen create a kaleidoscope of the world outside.

A lazy sheet of water stretches across like cellophane, riddled with tiny ripples. Once again it lay there half-disrespecting the golden rays of the afternoon sun, not bothering to reflect them back.

After all 

what's afternoon 

an after thought 

and after that

the aftermath

of lost thoughts

and eaten cookies.

Sparkles

"Will you marry me?"

"I'll think about it."

"Okay, so that's it then. We're engaged."

"Looks like it. You want to grab some dinner?"

Stream

What a wonderful day Hey that bunny Rabbit looks like a Cloud i Mean that cLoud looks Like a bunny rabbit oops Was I actually staring at that guy's crotch I didn't mean to. there's something about passing a laundromat on a summer day so Refreshing! breathe in Honey nuts always smell better than they taste but the wafting aroma always fool me into buying some Poetry slam! how wonderful did I already say that I love this city it makes me smile I should make something involving jalapenos and cheese Umm maybe right now I'm in the mood for a drink by the way avocado juice is a pretty good concept but it doesn't quench thirst Limca is the only soft drink that does Like someone sang sad movies always make me cry yes that was Sue Thompson the girl who told me about her also told me about strawberries and cream and we tried to make some on a weekday afternoon but it didn't turn out well Ahem the things that I did on weekday afternoons Stitching Tight skirts from frilled ones and papier-mâché and raw custard and paper-burning Dacoits and the tickle monster and swimming lessons with palani sir and harish sir in blue water that occasionally turned green by those stupid kids with no bladder control Was I one of them if there were three things I could choose it would be food music and travel I think I have nothing new to say really but I'm lucky to have friends who like me despite that you know what CHEMISTRY is It's sharing a private joke.

Emoted

Shamed, ashamed, blamed.

Elated, abated, vindicated.

It's fated.

On being good

My faith in humanity has been completely and irrevocably restored. Thank you, little nepalese man.

After 24 hours of kicking myself and bad dreams, the sun shines and cool breeze blows and hair glows and other such lovely things happen. In 24 hours I have been both the benefactor and recipient.

On a related note, this is to the podgy old man who was lying motionless on Grand Street and his wife whose front teeth were knocked off. I hope you are safe and the ballet your son wrote was well-reviewed. Thank you for being astounded by our goodness. I was repaid handsomely.

Déjà vu

Shiny clothes make me sick
Laughing faces make me weep
Mother, today on me do not pick
Mother, please put me to sleep.

Yes, darling?

I'll pass you the butter if you promise to exercise.

*

(I really am quite sorry it turned out this way)

A dream in 1Q09

That night I dreamt of happyness and woke up laughing in my sleep. So sunny.
---

Things don't need to be complicated to be wonderful, she said. So true.

Lust for Life

It is only appropriate that I use these borrowed words to thank you for not having one boring bone in your body.

...and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!"'

Liberté, Equalité, Fraternité

---
Like the cloudless sky

Abstract music

Late Sunday evening

---
Like clean snow

Freshly ironed shirt

Grandmama's hair

---
Like the fusion of turmeric and soap

Cool blade on soft skin

Staring at bright light through closed eyelids

Sometimes

Graceful people have smelly socks too, sometimes. Sometimes a stranger's smile feels like a warm hug. Sometimes it really is better to say nothing at all. Sometimes butterflies can seem to last forever.

:)

Oaf

Breaks glass bottles
Frets about it

Walks in sticky rain with
A crooked crow of an umbrella

Walks out of a party
Experiences staircase wit

Solves puzzles
For validation

-------

Pliant and pliable mean the same thing. Reliant and reliable do not.

Demand

A girl

who loves

magic

waits to feel

the

ineluctable

modality

of

the visible.

Headstone

How does it feel (how does it feel)?

When the moonlight shone
With the silver sown
Into a silent drone
A lucky touchstone....

To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

Lucid dreaming

It's back in style.

I dreamt of Jostein Gaarder yesterday. It was the most interesting story. About a restaurant, where everything was based on Sophie's Verden and the Solitaire Mystery and each of us had to discover the truth about ourselves. Cryptic clues in the waitresses' words, subtle hints on the menu card. I loved every minute of it. My senses were alive.

And then,

I woke up.

Yesterday

Okay, so I had a moment. Of butterflies.
Okay, so I've had my share of slow dances with other men. For whatever it's worth though, if I had to pick someone sans the dance, it would be you.

But, not if you think I'm delirious, if you know what I mean.

Anti oxidants

Yesterday I made the yummiest blueberry compote. I am fairly convinced I can give some chefs a bun for their honey. All I need to do is lose some risk aversion and La will be born.

La, a song on everyone's lips
La, a name on their fingertips
La, a note that followed so
More and more and more and more
La, for every girl
For every shiny curl
Of soft hair, of a happy mouth
Of a friendly face that's headed south
La with coziness that stays
La my favourite place
La with dusty books and
Sparkling plates.......
And blueberry compote.

* SNAP!*

Dreams, dreams, dreams.

Whose Life

Wine, whine, vine. Pine and Opine. Fine dine and fall in line. Shine, twine, define.

Divine.... mine.

Fun Facts

#1 I don't comb my hair.

#2 I love water - pools, showers, baths, anything.

#3 I don't really know what the word 'veto' means.

#4 I am a phone-fibber.

#5 I'm easily pleased and eager to please.

#6 I hate being a grown-up.

#7 Seven is my lucky number and I really believe it.

Slices of the perfect life

. Waking up really early, leaving powder fresh to meet passion dance and sing songs in a yellow bus
. Arriving in London on a sunny morning
. Breakfast at P's place after a hurried meeting at MTNL
. Eating blueberry parfait at an English Pret a Manger
. Walking through impressionist galleries
. Returning from a Dubai shopping mall to eat pulikozhambu and pink keerai kootu
. Lying with my little cousins, listening to Amama's stories and dozing off gradually in a comfortable curtainless room darkened by bedsheets across the windows
. Garam chai and nashta at the forgotten one's home
. Evening classes at Vakil's and a short pitt-stop at a bakery now called Biona
. Returning home to find mom in the kitchen, dad watching TV, eating leftovers from lunch
. Doing something, anything on a Saturday night in New York
. Taking the night flight on Friday to meet R midway across the 12-hour distance.

I think of you

Come! to my land of cloudless skies and sunlit days and neon nights. I promise never to speak of eggs and to keep you well moisturized :)

Merry Christmas

Glass balls and glowing lights.
Dead tree in living room.
Killed to honor birth.

(No I didn't write this beautiful poem)