Regular rant

Americans, this is what I have to say to you.

1. I can say butter instead of budder, hash instead of pound, ddmmyy instead of mmddyy, and still speak perfect English. Okay?

2. You think it shockingly embarrassing to sweat in the armpit, and then proceed to nonchalantly deafen the general public's ears by blowing your nose into your tissue. Hmm.

3. Yes, your portions ARE too large.

4. When I tell you I'm not well, I'm usually looking for sympathy. "Take care, darling" is prefered to "Gosh stay away from me and don't give me whatever it is you have". Just letting you know.

5. Like is a surprisingly versatile word. It's a noun, verb, conjunction and a preposition. However, if you say like, at like the slightest drop of a hat, it's like kind of annoying.

6. Why do most of you think stand-up comedy = toilet/sexual/racist humour? (Yes I do spell it with a 'u'.)

7. Being charged for incoming text messages is lame. Lame. Did you hear me?

Tu, et moi

You you, me me.

You strong, me weak.

You dismisser, me believer.

You aggressive, me defensive.

You black pepper, me yuan zhi.

You even-keel, me hyperthymic.

You for tax rates, me for neon lights.

You mock arrogant, me mock modest.

You minimalist, me post-impressionist.

You patient teacher, me irreverent student.

You moderate in your lifestyle, me flamboyant.

You flamboyant in your thoughts, me moderate.

You, love without boundaries. Me, I lay conditions.

You tireless and me tireless. You honest, me honest.

You, generous. You, broad-minded. You, sharp-witted.

You, who I constantly reject and you who complete this

oddly sloping passage, almost but not quite.

All in one gentle evening

Wait. Ten minutes for the unadulterated aroma of crisp cookies fresh out of the oven. Sit cross-legged at a bus stand, knowing you are catching a bus to nowhere. Sip hot, thick, dark chocolate at said bus stand; try to keep pace with the cream formation at the surface of the cup.

Listen. There might have been sparrows in the background (you never know). Try to walk daintily in oversized clumsy Nike floaters. After all, the cute guy you just overtook might be watching you. Talk about taking risks with a 35-year old who's always followed his heart. Wonder when you would give up what you have to sell hot cookies and thick chocolate to people like yourself. Give your beneviolent one a warm hug. Stand by the messy kitchen sink and talk for hours.

It passed rather quickly.